Time to Heal

Surgery is painful. Maybe you’ve gone under the knife, so you’re aware. But I’m saying this because I want you to be prepared if you don’t already know. I want you to know it’s going to hurt.

Here’s why I say this – just about a year ago I had my own experience – I had a total knee replacement. I’ve heard those in the medical field say it’s one of the most painful surgeries you can have. Well, I can tell it was for me.

I had needed the surgery for about 10 years. During that time, I couldn’t walk without pain, and it got to a point where my life was pretty limited. In addition, because I waited, the surgery was more complex. Walking around with an injured knee caused more damage. Because I waited, there was more to repair, and my recovery was more painful than it had to be.

That experience taught me a lot, though. Damage had limited my life and waiting to fix it had caused a long and difficult recovery. Hmmm…I think this happens in our spiritual lives too. There are times when our souls are broken and need healing. But for whatever reason, we live with it – we tough it out because we don’t want to go through the pain of getting it fixed

You see we all have wounds and lameness, (Mark 2:17) and no one is exempt from hurt. Nope… pain is common to all of us. I’m talking about the internal stuff we know needs to be dealt with. We need a “spiritual procedure” but we avoid it at all costs. (John 5: 5) We’d rather walk around living a limited life than go through the pain of surgery – even at the hands of a loving physician. (Mark 2:13-17, Psalm 147:3)

I’ve been thinking a lot about this, lately. There was a time in life that I resisted the cure only to limp around in brokenness – just like the man in John 5:5 who laid at the pool of Bethesda for 38 years. The Bible doesn’t say what his issue was, it just says he was lame. I personally believe the diagnosis is vague for a reason. Lame can mean a lot of things. Physical, spiritual, and mental limitations are all a type of lameness, and can hold us back. And lameness can cause us to live lives that are less than God’s plan. (Jeremiah 29:11)

For a long time, I was lame. My early years had inflicted so much hurt that I was paralyzed spiritually. The resulting damage lingered and grew and nearly swallowed me whole. I lived that way well into adulthood and lay in brokenness until an encounter with a loving God changed my life, healed me and changed me forever. (Isaiah 61:3)

The healing of my heart was a painful process and sometimes and the process seemed like it would never end. The experiences that shattered my soul had infected so many areas in my life that recovery was long and difficult. But, I did heal. And as hard as it was, the pain slowly faded and I began to walk in freedom for the first time in my life. The healing allowed me to move the way God had planned all along for me. (Acts 17:26)

But I’m not done. Even though there was a huge spiritual healing through that experience, it’s not the end of the healing process. Throughout my life, it will be necessary to go back to the great physician for more surgery. I know it’s likely going to be painful, but I also know the Lord can and wants to heal. (John 5:6, Psalm 107:20, Jeremiah 30:17)

And that’s where things have changed for me. I no longer wait years before looking to God to heal those broken things inside me because I’m fearful of the pain that sometimes goes along with healing. Just like most people, I don’t like to hurt. But, just like my experience with my knee, I don’t want to let the wound to fester and grow and cause more damage. I don’t want my life to be limited, so I willingly choose to allow God to reach in and heal the broken places.

So, I ask you. What lameness are you keeping? Is it holding captive and preventing you from moving through life as God intended? I pray you will be brave enough to go to the one who can heal it. Please don’t let it linger and cause further damage. Don’t be afraid – the pain of the surgery will give you new life. (Isaiah 41:10)

Audience of One

Have you ever looked back at something you experienced and realized you could have avoided the experience altogether? I’m not talking about the bad choices, stupid mistakes, “what what I thinking” kind of stuff. I’m talking about having the foresight to avoid the hard learned lesson

Don’t get me wrong, I get that hindsight is, as they say, 20/20. If we could just see where a decision was going to take us, life would be easier, right?  If we knew which fork to take, we could minimize – if not avoid – the rough terrain. Sometimes, though it’s good to take a good hard look at where we’ve been. Often, it’s in looking back that lessons are learned. (Proverbs 24:16)

For me, this self-examination resulted when I was forced to end a rather unhealthy relationship I had with someone I considered a mentor and friend. For years I saw the backlash people endured when they crossed this person, but I looked the other way. And worse, I stayed and did nothing. (1 Corinthians 15:33)

God had shown me over and over that it was time to sever ties. I knew what was happening was not right, but I was being told I was special. I saw what was happening, but I was told I mattered. I watched others fall prey, yet I continued to engage, And all along I secretly wondered if the extent of the relationship was what I could do for that person. I held onto crumbs of “friendship” that were thrown my way. It was years before I had the courage to leave, and it perplexes me why I settled for so little, in light of what God has for me. (John 10:10)

It was in trying to understand what happened, that I realized I had a part in it. You see, I figured out that it was my desire to please man instead of God that lead me down this road. It was the need for approval that caused me to overlook obvious signs that this relationship as problematic. (Psalm 118:8, Micah 7: 5-8)  Once I understood, it was not difficult to understand how I got there. The truth is that every time we seek man’s approval over God’s, we will be disappointed.

God alone is my approver. (Galatians 1:10) It’s funny though, how often I look elsewhere for validation. I have to believe I am not alone. We all want someone to say “well done.” We all hope someone will notice and find favor in us. Look around, and it doesn’t take long to spot someone seeking approval. You might find it in people climbing the corporate ladder. It can manifest in those seeking applause on a stage. It happens any time we do anything for man’s approval alone. (1 Thessalonians 2:4)

I’m not saying applause or approval is bad in itself. It only becomes a problem when our value is based on the approval rating we receive from others rather than on what God says about us. It is only when we look outside God’s provision that we miss the extravagant value God has placed on us. And our worth to Him is not based on what we can give, or what we can do. It is based solely on His love for us. (Psalm 139: 13 – 16, Ephesians 2:4 – 9)

God alone has the right to determine our significance, for it is He alone who paid the price. (Romans 5:8, 1 Peter 1: 18 – 19, Ephesians 2: 4 – 7) Over and over He declares his love and approval for us! His thoughts towards us are good, (Jeremiah 29:11) and infinite. (Jeremiah 31:3) He says we are valuable. (Psalm 46:5, 1 Peter 2:9) We are His beloved treasure and precious jewel. (Proverbs 31:10, Isaiah 49:16)

So, now I hope to engrave this lesson on my heart. I ask for His forgiveness for looking to man for what only He can provide, and look forward to the next chapter He is writing in my life. (Ephesians 2:24, Philippians 3:13) Now, oh Lord, help me be approved by an audience of one. (Matthew 6: 1 – 6)

Beautiful Mess

Everything we do, is filtered through the experiences we have throughout our lives – whether good or bad. Being alive guarantees each of us a mix of positive or painful, happy or sad, gain, or loss. Intentional or accidental experiences mix together and embody who we are. It’s a road that begins at our birth, and shapes every experience that comes after.

We all know that one person who’s life seems untouched by sorrow. It’s tempting to believe there are people who escape hardship in life. But, in reality none of us is exempt. A life lived without trouble does not exist. (John 16:33)

It’s not all bad, either. Truthfully, most of us experience a mix of good and bad. Difficulty is guaranteed, but usually so is joy. We have sad times and happy times. We go up to the mountain and down in the desert. We gain and lose… and it all combines to create a beautiful tapestry of color that makes up our lives. (Ecclesiastes 7:14)

Sometimes, though life brings more bad than good. What happens when tragedy and pain are experienced in greater proportion than joy and happiness? What happens to the human heart when life is overwhelming bad? If a life begins in hardship, is the rest of life doomed to be viewed through the filter of pain? If every message says “you are unwanted, unloved, a mistake,” can there be any hope?

I say yes, there is. I know because I have experienced what happens when God reshapes the message life gives. He alone can fix the broken. He alone can change the trajectory of our lives. He alone promises to take the burned, tragic ashes of life, and replace them with beauty. (Isaiah 61:3)

In the 1950’s, while pregnant with me, my mother sought to have a back alley abortion. She wasn’t evil, she was tired and overwhelmed, and it seems like a solution to her problems. My father and his sister found out, intervened, and in the summer of 1956, I was born. My mother was stopped from making a decision that would have stopped my life before it began. Unfortunately,  it began a journey of physical and verbal abuse for me that lasted until I left home at 17.

My mother was a broken individual, who inflicted her pain on those around her. Forced to follow have a child she did not want, she viewed me with resentment. For as long as I can remember I was reminded daily that her life would have been better had she been allowed to abort me. She made it clear I was the biggest mistake of her life with words, and beatings and neglect.

I tell you this not to extort sadness or pity from you. In fact, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I tell you this to help you understand how far down I was. This beginning to my life taught me I was unwanted and unloved, and it impacted every choice I made for a good portion of my life. In short, my life was a mess. I came to know God when I was a dirty, broken, sad, and hopeless woman.

If the story ended there, it would be tragic – but it did not. All my experiences have shaped me into who I am today. (Romans 8:28) God uses my story to help others, and He can use yours too. The beautiful thing is that God chooses to use broken vessels like us to do His work. And through that work, He gets the glory. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

There’s an entire story behind the crooked path that got me from there to here, but I’ll save that for a future post. What’s important is that He changed me, and He can change you as well. He alone can take a mess and turned it into a beautiful message.

 

Hope for the Hurting

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say “God only gives you what you can handle.” Seriously – I’d have a hefty savings account. It’s a comment commonly meant to provide comfort during difficult times. But is it? Comforting? I never found it so.

Let me begin by saying I get that this statement likely comes from a place of positive intent. When people witness pain and suffering, most of the time they want to provide some level of help or comfort. I doubt anyone offers this to hurt or shame anyone.

The problem though is the  message behind this statement implies that God lets things happen to you just because you are strong. This might even suggest if you were weaker things might go easier for you. This could not be further from the truth. God doesn’t choose suffering for us based on our ability to weather the storm, he weathers the storms we cannot handle. (Luke 8:23 – 25)  

The thing is, suffering is universal. Bad things happen, and there’s not enough reasoning in the entire world to explain why. We want answers! We say things like “why did this happen?” We mistakenly think if we could get to the bottom of the “why” there would be a better chance of acceptance. The honest truth is that it’s not possible to find peace in understanding. The bible says God gives us peace that goes beyond what we comprehend. (Philippians 4:7) That means that through Him, we can have peace that is not dependent on our understanding of how or why. The secret is in our focus. Who or what are we focusing on? (Isaiah 26:3)

Like you, I’ve been hurt. I began life as an unwanted burden, reminded daily that abortion would have been better option than giving birth to me. I was a sore and painful scar that I nursed for a good portion of my life. But the happy ending in this tragedy is that I learned a long time ago where to look for comfort and it is this I offer as a solution. If you are hurting and broken.. If you are looking for an answer for every wrong you’ve faced, there is a God who loves and cares for you.

He did not design you with an end goal of pain and suffering. That’s just not His nature. His nature is compassionate. (2 Corinthians 1:3) His nature is grace. (1 Corinthians 15:10) And, His nature is love. (1 John 4:8) He created you and I in love and grace and compassion. And it is on this I choose to focus.

So, when I am hurt or in pain, I focus on God’s promise to be near us. (Job 36:15, Psalm 22:24) I set my sight on His promise is to deliver us and keep us through pain and difficult times. (Isaiah 14;3) And, I keep my eyes on His promises to heal our hurts. (Matthew 4:24)

Suffering is difficult, but God is our comforter and hope. It is that experience I offer you, friends. (Galatians 6:2) God gives peace, and comfort to me, and I offer the same to you. (2 Corinthians 1: 6 -7). Focus on Him and his promises, and together we can weather storms and lift each other up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Breaking the Power of Silence

Silence is powerful. It commands our attention, and can be more deafening than crashing cymbals or blaring horns. It also changes us, causes physical harm and can actually destroy us! ( Psalm 32)

This is especially true when we keep silent about sexual abuse. Not speaking out in the wake of sexual abuse gives power to shame, silences our voice, and steals our God given identity. (Jeremiah 1:5)

God create us with an unique identity He planned in advance for each one of us. This identity is a banner over us, and tells us, and the world who we are. (Exodus 17: 8- 16) Abuse replaces that identity with one that defines us as less than. It says we do not matter, are not important, and have to voice.

God alone can restore our true identity, and that process begins by speaking out. Victim or not, we must use our collective voices to break the silent prison created by sexual abuse. It is time to expose this evil perpetrated against our souls. (Ephesians 5:11-12)