Category: fear

Time to Heal

Surgery is painful. Maybe you’ve gone under the knife, so you’re aware. But I’m saying this because I want you to be prepared if you don’t already know. I want you to know it’s going to hurt.

Here’s why I say this – just about a year ago I had my own experience – I had a total knee replacement. I’ve heard those in the medical field say it’s one of the most painful surgeries you can have. Well, I can tell it was for me.

I had needed the surgery for about 10 years. During that time, I couldn’t walk without pain, and it got to a point where my life was pretty limited. In addition, because I waited, the surgery was more complex. Walking around with an injured knee caused more damage. Because I waited, there was more to repair, and my recovery was more painful than it had to be.

That experience taught me a lot, though. Damage had limited my life and waiting to fix it had caused a long and difficult recovery. Hmmm…I think this happens in our spiritual lives too. There are times when our souls are broken and need healing. But for whatever reason, we live with it – we tough it out because we don’t want to go through the pain of getting it fixed

You see we all have wounds and lameness, (Mark 2:17) and no one is exempt from hurt. Nope… pain is common to all of us. I’m talking about the internal stuff we know needs to be dealt with. We need a “spiritual procedure” but we avoid it at all costs. (John 5: 5) We’d rather walk around living a limited life than go through the pain of surgery – even at the hands of a loving physician. (Mark 2:13-17, Psalm 147:3)

I’ve been thinking a lot about this, lately. There was a time in life that I resisted the cure only to limp around in brokenness – just like the man in John 5:5 who laid at the pool of Bethesda for 38 years. The Bible doesn’t say what his issue was, it just says he was lame. I personally believe the diagnosis is vague for a reason. Lame can mean a lot of things. Physical, spiritual, and mental limitations are all a type of lameness, and can hold us back. And lameness can cause us to live lives that are less than God’s plan. (Jeremiah 29:11)

For a long time, I was lame. My early years had inflicted so much hurt that I was paralyzed spiritually. The resulting damage lingered and grew and nearly swallowed me whole. I lived that way well into adulthood and lay in brokenness until an encounter with a loving God changed my life, healed me and changed me forever. (Isaiah 61:3)

The healing of my heart was a painful process and sometimes and the process seemed like it would never end. The experiences that shattered my soul had infected so many areas in my life that recovery was long and difficult. But, I did heal. And as hard as it was, the pain slowly faded and I began to walk in freedom for the first time in my life. The healing allowed me to move the way God had planned all along for me. (Acts 17:26)

But I’m not done. Even though there was a huge spiritual healing through that experience, it’s not the end of the healing process. Throughout my life, it will be necessary to go back to the great physician for more surgery. I know it’s likely going to be painful, but I also know the Lord can and wants to heal. (John 5:6, Psalm 107:20, Jeremiah 30:17)

And that’s where things have changed for me. I no longer wait years before looking to God to heal those broken things inside me because I’m fearful of the pain that sometimes goes along with healing. Just like most people, I don’t like to hurt. But, just like my experience with my knee, I don’t want to let the wound to fester and grow and cause more damage. I don’t want my life to be limited, so I willingly choose to allow God to reach in and heal the broken places.

So, I ask you. What lameness are you keeping? Is it holding captive and preventing you from moving through life as God intended? I pray you will be brave enough to go to the one who can heal it. Please don’t let it linger and cause further damage. Don’t be afraid – the pain of the surgery will give you new life. (Isaiah 41:10)

In a Bleak Mid-Winter

Have you ever experienced winter when the weather conditions align in such a way to paint the landscape in diamond-like crystals? It usually happens when it’s very cold. It’s so beautiful, you almost forget that it comes out of the bleakness of winter.

Let me be honest – I don’t like winter. I don’t like the cold, and I don’t want to be outside. I’m not the kind of person who participates in activities like skiing, snowboarding, or sledding. When winter comes, I am inclined to hunker down inside my warm house. Yep, to me, winter is cold and dark and goes on far too long.

I haven’t always lived in a place where winter is long and cold and dark. There was a time I lived where there was barely a discernible change from one time of year to the next. There were a lot of things I liked about living in this area of the country – namely the weather. I loved the predictably warm days. I didn’t mind that it never changed much. I can’t say it ever really bothered me to spend Christmas on the beach in shorts. In a place like this, day flows into day, with little change. And at for me, that was the way it should be.

However, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how good it is for our souls to experience changes in seasons. In particular, there’s something renewing in moving from winter to spring. The anticipation of the next warmer season is a force that drives me to move through the days and weeks of cold and dark. Winter can be hard, but without it, I don’t know that I would truly appreciate spring.  

There are times when life can feel like winter. But sometimes, when we face cold, dark, and bleak times in life it can be hard to imagine spring will follow. No one is exempt from this – for all of us, life ebbs and flows, and at some point, we’ll all face a winter season. (John 16:33)  So how do we move through it and look forward to the change?

First, recognize a time of darkness and cold are common to all of us. The Bible is full of examples. (Genesis 50, Ruth 1, Job 1) When it happens, it’s easy to feel isolated, but try to remember others have experienced winters too. I’ve had to learn to recognize the season I’m in, while not letting myself get frozen in it. It’s not always easy, but it is very necessary. Without purposeful redirecting my self-talk, I would be in constant winter just by convincing myself I’m the only person ever who’s been in this place.   

Second, remember it is a season; it is not going to last forever. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) One of the most critical parts of moving through winter is to experience it for the moment it is while keeping focused on the spring ahead. It’s easy for me to wistfully daydream about how great it was before winter began. Conversely, I can waste a lot of time and energy stuck in one place focusing on last spring. But I’ve learned it’s a delicate balance of continual walking combined with forward-looking. What I cannot do is stop and focus on the cold. We’re supposed to walk through the valley, not sit in it. (Psalm 23) Keep walking, and keep looking. Spring will come. (Hosea 6:3, Song of Solomon 2:11-12)

The third part of surviving winter is noticing the beauty of it. Yes, I said it – there is beauty in the bleakness. Even winter offers an allure. There is something so lovely about the crisp white covering of snow. (Isaiah 1:18) It’s preparation for the next season as nature prepares for a season of growth and renewal. And, so it is for us. 

Don’t despise the colder seasons. Remember, when it’s cold and bleak, we also get to see the magnificence of sun upon ice crystals, reminding us of God’s promises of restoration and redemption. (Proverbs 3:5-6, James 1:2-8, John 16:33, 1 Peter 5:10)

Which Way Lord?

I am a planner. I’m fine with change – as long as I know all the details of where, when, and how it will occur. The problem is, it doesn’t usually work that way. Life pretty much guarantees we won’t always have an opportunity to plan ahead for changes. And when life shifts, there are times I struggle to regain my balance.

Change is tricky. It can be unexpected, and when life goes in a direction we weren’t expecting, we’re supposed to trust. (Proverbs 3:6) As Christians, we look to God, because scripture tells us our hope, comfort, peace, and guidance are in Him. (Psalm 42:5)

But, how does that work when change is ushered in through decisions I make? How does God guide me, when I am the one making the decision? When the choice is mine, the risk feels greater. Decisions can change lives for better—or for worse. It’s a sobering thought and often leads me to the kind of circular thinking that keeps me stuck for a long time.

How then, do I un-stick? Truthfully, I’m still figuring out how this works. I am learning to navigate by faith and look for God’s direction. I’m not saying it’s easy because honestly, it would be easier to wallow in fear and worry. My habit of looking outside myself comes as easy as my habit of going to the gym. And by “easy” I mean “not-natural-to-me-at-all!” I’m not implying it’s not been challenging, but I am beginning to see that it works.

There are many times God shows me which way to go when I read the bible. Scriptures are full of examples of people making natural, normal, and necessary decisions. (Acts 16:7, Acts 19:21, Titus 3:12) Most of the people we see as examples are common, ordinary people – just like me. They did not possess extraordinary skills or talents – they just believed God would show them which path to take. (Psalm 119:105-106)

There are times, though that I still wonder if I really understand what to do and which way to go. How do I know when He’s “speaking?” There a scripture that says God is in the still, small voice. (1 Kings 19:12) That’s a beautiful picture, but sometimes I need more than a whisper; sometimes I need Him to yell!

I’ve often prayed that God would “speak” loudly, so there’s no doubt. Am I alone in my desire for the thundering voice or burning bush? Can God speak so we understand? I declare He can and does.

For me, God speaks in many ways. One way He speaks to me is through the environment around me. A phrase I heard somewhere and often use is “Kisses from the King.” He often reaches me that way.

Kisses happen when you hear lyrics to a song that send a shiver down your spine. They happen when you read a scripture and it comes up again, in a sermon. It can be a word on a poster or on your cup of coffee. Sometimes it happens through the words of a friend, stranger, or even an enemy.

Whatever the medium, God uses the world around us to speak his love and direction to us. And this should not surprise us. If God can use Balaam’s donkey to speak (Numbers 22: 21 – 39), He can surely use a car radio, a Hallmark card, or your neighbor.  

The fact that God promises to guide our steps, should not come as a shock. His name is Counselor, Advocate, and Teacher. (Isaiah 9:6, Romans 8:1, Exodus 4:15)  But, experiencing the King’s kisses take practice. I challenge you to look for those God moments every day. Seek to recognize His promptings. Keep a journal so you remember all the times He spoke. Ask and believe that God will answer. (Mark 11:24, Romans 10: 9)  

Hope for the Hurting

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say “God only gives you what you can handle.” Seriously – I’d have a hefty savings account. It’s a comment commonly meant to provide comfort during difficult times. But is it? Comforting? I never found it so.

Let me begin by saying I get that this statement likely comes from a place of positive intent. When people witness pain and suffering, most of the time they want to provide some level of help or comfort. I doubt anyone offers this to hurt or shame anyone.

The problem though is the  message behind this statement implies that God lets things happen to you just because you are strong. This might even suggest if you were weaker things might go easier for you. This could not be further from the truth. God doesn’t choose suffering for us based on our ability to weather the storm, he weathers the storms we cannot handle. (Luke 8:23 – 25)  

The thing is, suffering is universal. Bad things happen, and there’s not enough reasoning in the entire world to explain why. We want answers! We say things like “why did this happen?” We mistakenly think if we could get to the bottom of the “why” there would be a better chance of acceptance. The honest truth is that it’s not possible to find peace in understanding. The bible says God gives us peace that goes beyond what we comprehend. (Philippians 4:7) That means that through Him, we can have peace that is not dependent on our understanding of how or why. The secret is in our focus. Who or what are we focusing on? (Isaiah 26:3)

Like you, I’ve been hurt. I began life as an unwanted burden, reminded daily that abortion would have been better option than giving birth to me. I was a sore and painful scar that I nursed for a good portion of my life. But the happy ending in this tragedy is that I learned a long time ago where to look for comfort and it is this I offer as a solution. If you are hurting and broken.. If you are looking for an answer for every wrong you’ve faced, there is a God who loves and cares for you.

He did not design you with an end goal of pain and suffering. That’s just not His nature. His nature is compassionate. (2 Corinthians 1:3) His nature is grace. (1 Corinthians 15:10) And, His nature is love. (1 John 4:8) He created you and I in love and grace and compassion. And it is on this I choose to focus.

So, when I am hurt or in pain, I focus on God’s promise to be near us. (Job 36:15, Psalm 22:24) I set my sight on His promise is to deliver us and keep us through pain and difficult times. (Isaiah 14;3) And, I keep my eyes on His promises to heal our hurts. (Matthew 4:24)

Suffering is difficult, but God is our comforter and hope. It is that experience I offer you, friends. (Galatians 6:2) God gives peace, and comfort to me, and I offer the same to you. (2 Corinthians 1: 6 -7). Focus on Him and his promises, and together we can weather storms and lift each other up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

When Hope and Fear Collided

Hope is a powerful thing. It begs us to believe what we cannot see. It has the power to make us stay longer and believe stronger. Hope let’s us dream and feeds our vision. In the extreme, the Bible says without it we perish. (Psalm 29:11)

Fear can be equally powerful. It paralyzes the strong and confuses the wise. Fear causes us to run and hide. (Genesis 3:8) Countless Bible stories serve as cautionary tales and sad examples of the impact fear has on us. (Jonah 1:1-17, 2 Samuel 11, Proverbs 22:13)

The Bible story of the man at the Pool of Bethesda (John 5: 1 – 8)is a story where hope and fear collide and a life changes. The location in this story provides a clue. Bethesda’s meaning is “grace and mercy” – the very essence of salvation. It’s the story of man and his need for a Savior. And, it’s a story of the human condition.

The man in this story is described as being “lame” for thirty-eight years. What’s interesting is that we don’t know what that lameness is. I propose we don’t know because like him, we all have some kind of malady be it physical, psychological, or spiritual. So many times we are impeded by our lameness and just like this man we sometimes carry it for years.

I don’t know about you, but it fascinates me that for thirty-eight years he went to the Pool of Bethesda every day. The story doesn’t say how he got there – just that he did. Did he walk? Did he have friends or family carry him? However he managed it, I believe it’s another clue. Think about it. A man goes to the edge of grace and mercy for 38 years. Something keeps him going back year after year. I propose it’s hope that draws him there. But why doesn’t he get in and receive his healing?

This is where I think the story unveils his fear. Here’s why. When Jesus asks him if we wants to be healed, he has a litany of excuses as to why he can’t. Think about times where fear stopped you. Did you honestly say “Nope – I’m not going to. I’m scared.” Or, did you reason it away with excuses? Truth is, it’s sometimes easier to identify all the reasons “it” can’t or won’t work than to admit our fear.

Interestingly, Jesus doesn’t seem to pay attention to the guy’s feeble reasonings. Instead, he says, “pick up your mat and walk.” Wait, that’s interesting, isn’t it? Jesus doesn’t tell him he’s healed. He doesn’t rub mud on wherever the man is lame, and he doesn’t tell him to touch his robe. Nope. He just tells the lame man to walk. I think it’s another clue. I think the lame man had been healed for a long time. He just needed to get up and walk. He was laying by grace and mercy, and he just needed to take it.

There’s power in this story. How many of us have lain by our healing. How long have we stayed lame when hope was right there just waiting for us to take it.

I know I lived like that for most of my life. For years and years I waited – in my own lameness – until a loving Savior looked me in the eyes and said, “Walk!” I lived fearing what it might mean to be healed, until hope won out. On that day fear no longer ruled in my life. On that day I walked past fear in to grace and mercy. On that day I saw fear and hope collide.

Bravery or Fear?

I want to be brave. I want to fearlessly walk down unknown roads, and launch into deep waters. I want the kind of trust that goes even when I don’t know where I’m being led.

The truth though, is my brave talk is not always matched by my faith, and that’s frustrating. What I want to do, hope to accomplish, and dream of achieving is reliant on my willingness to step out of the safety and security of the boat, and that is sometimes where I sink. (Matthew 14:22-33)

There are times when I am my own worst enemy. My grand ideas of recklessly following God would be a whole lot easier if it weren’t for me. It’s not that I dont know what God’s word says about trusting Him to guide and protect me; it’s just not always easy to live that out.

So what am I to do when my faith doesn’t seem big enough to slay giants? (1 Samuel 17) How can I be brave when I am so weak? It seems insurmountable, but I promise you, it’s not.

I’m pretty clear that fearlessness does not come by my own strength. (Zechariah 4:6) In fact, the Bible says I am stronger through God, precisely when I am weak. (2 Corinthians 12:9,10) It says God doesn’t give us fear – he gave us power!

So, for me, it’s pretty clear this bravery thing is birthed in my relationship with God. In God I am strong. His word reminds me over and over not to fear. (Matthew 4:27, Joshua 1: 6-9, 2 Samuel 10:12)

What I know is my bravery is not based on my feelings of fearlessness. Braveru is not based on me, and this knowledge pushes me out into the unknown. I am confident in His promise to make me courageous. (1 Chronicles 19:13) so, this is how I fly, how I run, how I step out – in His strength and not by mine. (Zechariah 4:6)

So where do you need to be fearless? If you need a dose of bravery, I challenge you to take a step. Reach up towards whatever scares you. Go with the knowledge that God is your strength, he gives you bravery, and makes you fearless. (Romans 8: 27, 27)