I woke up this morning feeling less than. It felt like a truck load of doubt and insecurity had been dumped on my chest. Thoughts of my insufficiency came in waves, and the emotion was raw enough to bring me to tears.
If you know me, then you realize it’s a rare place to be. Most of the time, I’m pretty centered, in who I am.
Psalm 139:14 I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well.
But confidence in my identity came from years of difficult, and painful work. I had to discover who I am in Him. I had to let the One who made me tell me that He designed me with love, and with a purpose. The journey from ashes to beauty was hard won.
Isaiah 61:3 I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness.
One of the most challenging parts of the identity work was learning that I yield to an audience of One. There can be only one source of who we are. Anything less is duplicity.
Romans 12:1 So, brothers and sisters, since God has shown us great mercy, I beg you to offer your lives as a living sacrifice to him. Your offering must be only for God and pleasing to him, which is the spiritual way for you to worship.
So rather than leaning into the temptation to allow that emotion to do its work, I went where I always do… God’s word. Friends, learning to go to scripture is by far the best practice.
Romans 12:2 Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.
This morning, in the middle of self-doubt, and feelings of insufficiency I read Paul’s words.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Exactly. My state of inadequacy is the perfect place to be, because in that, He becomes the source of my strength. It is in our inability to continue that He shows most powerful.
I can’t say I feel any better just yet. But I choose to believe the One whose word I know is perfect and reliable. And I don’t say this to gather anyone’s encouragement. My transparency is not about that.
The decision for sharing my vulnerability, is in knowing some of you are feeling the same. Seasons of uncertainty often bring with them seeds of doubt.
So, I offer you these words of encouragement.
God sees you.
Psalm 33:13 The Lord looks down from heaven and sees every person.
He has you.
Isaiah 41:10 So, don’t worry, because I am with you. Don’t be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you; I will support you with my right hand that saves you.
And you have great value to Him.
Luke 12:6-7 “Five sparrows are sold for only two pennies, and God does not forget any of them. But God even knows how many hairs you have on your head. Don’t be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows.
Friends, today, I encourage you to soak in His words, because they are the source of life, hope, and power. And I promise to do the same.
Romans 12:12 Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times.
My Beautiful Ashes 